Friday, September 26, 2008
SDO~!!!!
After days of wandering around the house aimlessly in search of something to fill up my holiday time with, I have discovered that..... SDO IS BACK ONLINE~!!! *woot woot woot* omg I'm so excited its not even funny. It's now called SDO-X = Super Dancer Online Extreeeemmmmmeeeeeee HAHAHAHHA!!
And so I patiently sat here for the past 1.5 days waiting firstly for my 1.46GB game client, and now 44.45MB more for the stupid patch. I'm getting so agitated watching the stupid orange bar go up and down as it downloads each component. Right now i'm at 849/1352.
904/1352. <--4.30pm (timing this damned thing)
1080/1352. <--4.32pm. (AHHH I'M DRIVING MYSELF CRAZYYYYY)
1313/1352. <--4.35PM. (oooh! ooohh! so cloooooseeeeee)
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4.40pm --> IT'S DONE IT'S DONE IT'S DONE WAHHHHHHHHHHHH~!!!!!
Holy crap okay go away world, I'm busy nowww... I hope they have the old songs too wheeeeeeeee
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An outburst of thoughts quickly before I fold them away somewhere and forget.
I guess I cannot expect anyone else to share the feelings of heartbreak and pity I feel when I leave Mitsu alone at home for an extended period of time. After all, he is mine and I shouldn't expect anyone to care for him as much as I do. I know its wrong of me but yet I can't help feeling disappointed when I realize that nobody is ever as willing as I am.
I think back to the days when people keep asking me to watch their dogs for them and I have never said no, simply because I know how difficult the situation can be. I have never complained or regretted. Yet I somehow feel.. a little bit lonely because when it comes to my turn, I don't quite know who to ask for help.
Saying that as it is would be unfair because Ame HAS helped me with taking care of Mitsu before. Tonight I asked if she could take Mitsu over to her place since he was alone all last night and has had no company today. Yes, it makes me feel really shitty but the deal is we spend weekends at Southbank and I cannot bring Mitsu along. Ame mentioned something about going out on Saturday. My question is "so what?" I've had Sleepy over countless times and we've still gone out. At least my dog doesn't destroy things. Worse come to worse, you could always drop Mitsu back before you go out. Oh wait, I forgot - it's too much trouble, isn't it?
*sigh* ame>if you read this, pls don't be upset. I'm just having a moment to myself. This time tomorrow I probably won't even remember anything I said here so please don't hold it against me. And I do apologize. I may say these cruel things now.. but I promise you that it's all in the moment, and I really don't mean them on a day to day basis.
Jennifer left this place at 10:44 PM | 0 comments
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I sit here this afternoon, wondering how we came to end up in this state. At moments I feel claustrophobic; an urgent need to get away from you. What remains of yesterday is no longer what you accused me of, not even the fact that you accused me, but that you walked out of the house while I was sleeping and never bothered to say a word. Truth be told, that's all I can think about when I open my wardrobe and I see all your clothes gone, or when I take a shower and I see all your toiletries have disappeared - a constant reminder of how you left.
Even now as you lay there behind me, my mind revolves around your bags still packed on the sofa and thoughts of how you could've done that. I will never know and I will never ask. Things have changed, or rather, overnight I have changed. I no longer know what to say to you or how to feel for you. At the end of the day I will always remember what happened and wonder how hard I should try or whether its even worth it. I can no longer find the will to fight for what I want or maybe right now, I no longer want to. I do not feel any warmth for anything right now. Finally I truly understand Nick's words, for I have turned into the same shell of a person.
I miss my boys. Don't ever leave.
Jennifer left this place at 4:01 PM | 0 comments
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