aimless journey

..........

Why does my brain move so fast? I can't structure my sentences fast enough!

*pause*
Let's try this again.


You blew a massive whirlwind at me, and now that it's gone past, I'm can only stare blankly at the havoc and destruction that you've caused in my life. I walk around blindly in a daze, still able to smile, still able to laugh, yet not quite knowing what it is exactly I'm smiling or laughing at.

Why do you have to make things so complicated? Does a simple yes or no not suffice? But still, I know hearing that no would break my heart enough that I would be weak and succumb into the pathetic idea of begging you to not leave. Having done that, I'd regret it almost instantaneously. I don't want to be weak. I don't want to be pathetic. What do I do? Do I keep my pride, pretend to move on and not call you, and never find out if you might have returned, or do I sink myself low enough to give up all pride, my ever important pride, to beg you and risk finding out that you never ever want to come back? Could I survive that?

An endless string on questions, not quite certain if I want to know the answers. Somebody, guide me please. I've lost my way in this darkness and I can't seem to find my way back. I'm acting like a sick puppy, though others might guess but not know the full extent of it. My random breakdowns. My cries for help. My overnight-turned insomniac. Me - who was capable of sleeping 12 hours a day, anytime I wanted, now an insomniac. Oh, the irony.

I look out my window and see the sun shining brightly as I walk through the empty streets of my mind. I gaze to the pile of fur lying on its back next to me, face stretched upward, legs wide open. It comforts me that at least someone in this room can sleep so comfortably while I face another sleepless night. I take solace in the fact that I know if I decide to move on, I'll be sleeping 16-20 hours a day. More than enough to make up for what I've missed. Not that it's appropriate. Not that I really care right now.

What do I do? What do you want? What should I do? Oh! - Make it stop, make it stop; make it go away!


On a really random note.. why are blogs so depressing these days? Everybody only talks about the shitty things in life. Where did all the good things go?