Sunday, June 13, 2010
Bitter resentment
He came over to pick up some things. The whole time he had his hand on the door handle standing there, like he couldn't wait to f**king get away.
What a disappointment. I feel like a fool. I resent him for it. I resent me for allowing him to make me feel like this.
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For the first time in my life, I feel utterly lost. Like I'm out at night on a dark deserted highway and there's absolutely nothing in sight. Which way do I go? Where am I? What am I supposed to do? Life seems to be either going nowhere or downhill. I feel like I should be seeking help but yet have no strength to search for it.
I take my shower, glance into the mirror and I see the bones jutting out of this bag of skin and I turn away. I have never felt uglier. I cannot look at myself. I feel disgusting. I hate myself, now more so than ever.
How did I get here? When did life turn down this path? Every day that passes, I lose more and more of myself. I feel like I'm turning into a ghost, turning just a little bit more invisible each day and sooner or later, I'll be completely lost to the world; just another molecule invisible to the eye.
This is not me; this is not who I am. That's what I thought; that's what I try to think. But if I don't know who I am, how can I say this is not me? Someone, help me please. Pick me up and put me in your car and drive me home. I'm incapacitated and I won't survive.
HELP!!
Jennifer left this place at 8:21 PM | 1 comments
sometimes life can be a curve ball. you lose track of time and sense of direction. things you build, acquire, treasure, all suddenly turn against you. you have no one you can truly trust and understands you
you know what? you should sit down on the bench beside the yarra river on a cold morning with a hot chocolate/coffee. time to think on what you want in your life and who you treasure most. Make sure you remind yourself of these.
After that, sulk up and wash up. When the day comes, put your game face on and get on with what life has got to throw at you
Someone told me, **** why do we fall? Its so that WE CAN pick ourselves up
Take it easy Jenn
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