Went to movies with my mum. Just got back. We watched 'Calendar Girls'. Highly amusing.. Kekekek.... Funny..imagine me stripping nude for a calendar when i'm 50+. Yech...dun like the idea at all. Felt weird watching movie with mum. Especially with how i feel at the moment n everything. Part of me just wants to get away, punch her or something n leave her behind.. but the other part of me feels so sad for her cos she has nuthing else in her life.. It all revolves around her n all the materialistic things that she can put her hand on. Ppl tell me that she's insecure n that's why she holds on to us so tightly n not letting us go away..but at the same time, her holding on so bad n putting up fights etc etc is actually making us wanna go away even more. Esp her comment abt how i HAVE to live under her rules until i'm financially independant. Probably when i'm about 21. 5+ years of living under her rules. Gawd that's awful. What would be so amazing abt turning 18 if u're not a minor anymore but still gotta listen to everything ur parents say. Imagine this - I'm 20 n at 11pm, my mum rings my handphone, "Fer, where are you?!?! It's late oredi n u're working tomorrow. Hurry back~!!" Erks...embarassing. What would I tell my frens? "sorry guys, my mum says it's late n i gotta go oredi.. u guys party till 3am or so while i be a good girl, listen to my mum n go home. EVEN THOUGH I'M BLARDEE 20! I mean...geez. So I'm not a proper adult till i hit 21. Funny how age matters that much. You can't think for urself until ur 18. Well, that's what my mum says. But she's changed it to 21 once I pointed out to her that once i turn 18 i can go back to kl anytime. then she gave me the crap abt me living on her money n so i gotta listen to her. That's when she upped it to 21. Hmmph. Not pleased at all.

Was talking to Kenneth on the phone till quite late early this morning. Hmm..that sounds weird. I mean, I talked to him for quite some time from 2.30am till 5 or sumthing. Gonna rack the phone bill way up high. Oh well, not as if i need to save up to go back kl anymore. *sob* but there were a couple of times when we were discussing my parents n he kept saying, "dun say that..she's ur mum!" n there i was thinking, "so what if she's my mum? it doesn't stop me feeling the way i do". n i would probably curb my thoughts if it was only me but ppl who know my mum realize that what i say is true. I mean, I'm not the only one who feels this way about her rite? If i was then i'd think that i was wrong but i know i'm not cos those around her know what she's relli like. The part that she keeps hidden from everyone n saves for those around her. She's cold-hearted, i know. She's not the kind of person who needs friends. "Why do u need friends for? Friends come n go. If u've got a problem, u should tell family. They're the ones who will relli help u if u are in trouble. Not ur frens" That's what she once said to me. Hate the way she thinks. If the little frens she has hears what she said, i highly doubt that they'd be frens for long; not that it would relli matter to my mum, of course. She's a strictly independant woman - doesn't need anyone in her life at all.

I've come to think that maybe I need some positive things in my blog. Been quite down recently...Lots of things on my mind. Well, not actually lots. Just the matter of my family n how I'm gonna get back to KL. So! To add a lil bit of positivity in my life, I'm gonna look for a new layout filled with sunshine n bright colours. Kekeke... but i'll only put it up next month. In the meantime, I'm gonna change some colors..put up a happy post n do my English essay soon. *hics*