PS: This is a long post filled with ranting, so if u're not up to it, i suggest u skip it. =)

*aiks* i reckon this time the rift between me n gerald is unmendable. we're both being stubborn this time. he dun wanna say sorry for the things that he said n i... well i never say sorry unless i believe that i'm wrong..which is not very often. akakka... fine call me evil or whatever. i dun care. cos it doesn't relli matter. i think he's decided to get with angie, if only to spite me. well go ahead, u bastard cos i relli dun care at all. n i told u i'd never speak to u again cos we've been thru all the pros n cons of u getting with her. u say u're doing this to find out whether it's her or me that's lying. i know that's bullshit. u just wanna get with her. well go ahead n do it then. i'm not gonna stop u. but dun come crying back to me. cos i'm not taking it anymore. so there. =P

7.29pm Just had dinner. it was quite measly.. *sshhh* dun say a word cos my mum will get upset. *hics* she'll call me ungrateful. akakka... my parents are fighting..it's kinda strange. reminds me of me n my sis whenever we were younger n we tried not to speak to each other after a fight. well apparently my stepdad was "rude" to my mum. i can't quite understand this cos to me he's ALWAYS rude. but anyway... my mum says she doesn't wanna talk to him until he apologizes n i know he's not going to. hah. so they won't ever talk to each other n then the family will break apart n then my mum will go hunting for another guy who's rich enough to give her a decent life. *hics* i'm a very cynical person. but that's my view of my mum. Come to think of it...we have mother's day n father's day every year to thank them for what they've done for us.. why dun we have childrens' day for parents to thank us for being good people? for tolerating their nonsense as much as they tolerate ours? is it cos we know that the children who have to put up with lots of crap will grow up n leave their parents behind n that there's no point thanking them cos they dun relli care anymore? *aiks* being cynical. eesh. i probably should stop ranting now.

But I can feel myself going into one of those moods again. this is weird. it's been happening quite regularly recently. there was one time when i was throwing a tantrum about going back n my mum got so angry with me that she shouted, "I DUNNO WHAT TO DO WITH U ANYMORE LA. GO N SEE A BLODDY PSYCHIATRIST N FIGURE OUT WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!!" Well...something along that lines la. she did ask me to go see a psychatrist. *hics* well if i have a mental problem it's all her fault. =P

Well something just came up recently... my dad (the real one) asked my mum whether me n my sis stay in kl to see him for a while n u know what my mum said...? Only for 5 days... *aish* n out of the 5 days... 2-3 days will be spent in johor. so that means i won't be in kl for long. i dun wanna think abt it anymore cos i know i'll cry if i do. n especially since i had such a terrible fight with gerald etc n knowing what angie's been saying about me to him..aish i relli dun wanna think of anything to make me cry. eesh. *annoyed* i mean..i always knew that angie couldn't be trusted la.. but to think that she'd tell ppl abt my private life.. which is meant to be personal of course.. but that she'd exaggerate n make it seem so bad...hmmph. no comment. she doesn't know that i know about it n i'm not gonna tell her. i won't be mean to her, neither will i tell her off for it... i'll just be nice n smile at her, knowing that i'd be the good one n she'd be the evil bitch. i mean...come on larrr.... if u want gerald, have him. i'm not gonna put up a fight over him. dun have to backstab me n lie about me to make him dislike me. cos then u'd just be lying to urself. stupid cow. Anyways, no matter what I'll try my best not to hate u n gerald. it's not ur fault u're an evil bitch. it's part of ur personality that no one knows about except ur frens. maybe that's why u dun have many girl friends. cos it's only to them that u show the true u. i pity gerald. cos he'll be getting with someone he thinks he knows but doesn't. yes maybe i hate him for lying to me... n for not listening to my warning after we've both decided that u're evil. but who can blame him for falling for a pretty n "innocent" face like urs? so no...i'll try not to hold it against him. n i hope that u're reading this. i hope that if raena reads this that she'll tell u about it. i hope u read it n know how i feel about u cos then u'll know why none of ur friends like u. u'll know why we couldn't care less about u. because we know that u'd abandon us anytime for any guy. n no one needs a "friend" like u. it's ppl like u who drive me away. make me clamp up cos i regret what i've ever told u. so now i won't be able to open up in all this time that i'll be in perth. only cos u were too selfish. maybe try to stop n think abt others once in a while but i guess it'd be too hard for u. u tell me u hate backstabbing ppl. i dunno what u consider backstabbing... but i think that u dun have to say mean things abt ppl to backstab. to tell their personal stuff is enough. whether or not it's true. Bitch. alright...rather long paragraph. i'm moving on. leave u behind.

Tee hee...i drifted off my point. i was talking about kl... n suddenly i'm talking about angie n gerald? akakka... oh well... yeah as i was saying...i relli wanna go home...i need to go home. aish.. at least there...i know that the ppl that i can talk to would never tell others my problems or anything regarding my personal life. ahahha... at least i dun think so la. n even if they did...it's only like...way after the whole thing is over..n at least it's safe to talk about it. somehow i dun get angry when they tell others about my life. maybe cos it doesn't seem so important.. maybe cos i regard my friendship more important than the fact that they betrayed my trust. but here, i haven't been friends with them for long. just when i open up, she goes n tells gerald...well...u get what i'm trying to say. damn i miss home.

maybe i SHOULD go see a counsellor or something. will probably end up being diagnosed with clinical depression. akakka... eesh. u ppl reading this...dun think i'm insane/suicidal/dark etc etc... i'm just in one of those times n even though i've been in "one of those times" a lot recently...honestly there's a lot more to me than being depressed. i'm not relli like this. n i never used to be till i came here. so yeah. i am truly a happy person. but i'm very sensitive towards certain things. n this blog is the only place that i can let out what i'm truly feeling. btw u should probably know that the reason why this post is so long n so filled with unhappiness is cos i've been holding it back for quite some time now. yeah.