This is terrible.. i reckon my fren's depression is getting to me cos i'm feeling the same way. Grrrr.. Lost is the word.. i feel like i'm walking around aimlessly, twisting n turning in circles, straining to catch a glimpse of something familiar so i can find my way back, but all i see is darkness n clouds swirling around me.

There's so much to say, i can practically feel it bursting out of me, but yet when i sit here n try to type it all out, nuthing comes to mind n i'm finding it all just SO frustrating. i seriously need a break from life for a while. i need to get away, but dammit, i just had a long weekend 2 weeks ago... i've relli come to love my weekends, cos it's the only time where i can hole up in my room n pretend that the world doesn't exist.

I hate "friends" who are two-faced, n i hate people who encourage it even more. n i hate how i get so angry about it, because i wonder why i'm the only one who can see it. i mean, Jess can see it too, but it's not affecting her half as much as it is affecting me, therefore she's not upset about it whereas i am. n i hate how everyone here's so wrapped up in their own little world (myself included) that they don't see what goes on in the lives of the people around them.

I prefer my old life. One where i was confident of my place in the world. Assured as to where i was going. Here, I have no aim, I have no place. I don't know what my purpose is. To fail, i suppose. Then again, in my old life, there wasn't anyone to hurt me intentionally, n those who did were mindless pricks anyway. My old life didn't have people who make it their sole purpose to lie n hurt others to win their way, to the extent where they would sacrifice everything, friends included, just to get a guy. It's a whole new world for me, n it seems that after 3 years, i still haven't learnt to cope with the changes. Shit.

My mum's going back to KL next Sunday to sign the lease papers for the apartment. Double shit. I'm supposed to be sending her off... *sigh* Well, that's closure then. No more going back to KL for me.

Someone help me... hide me from the cruelties of this world. Save me from drowning... cos i can't do it on my own