Reliving one's childhood

Mum's going funny.. She's enchanted by these really short frilly skirts. She claims they're very cute and insists on buying them for me. Which is VERY awkward since she hates us going shopping for clothes plus it's a skirt. For me. Who almost never wears skirts. So yeah, I feel really strange about it, seeing as these particular kind of skirts are VERY short and barely cover my ass, mind you. I would love to show you one that she bought for me as part of my b'day pressie but it's in Melb living with my sis. Maybe when I move over I'll post it. But my point is that someone mentioned that it's as if my mum's reliving her younger days thru me. Akakkaa... perhaps it's true because my mum said to me when we passed a store displaying that kinda skirt,"If I was younger, I'd definitely wear that skirt. Don't you think it's so cute?" Jenn goes,"...... I don't know...."

Anyway, this whole reliving one's childhood made me think about my slightly younger days. Just sitting here reflecting on the past, I realize that I do it a lot. And I have to admit that I constantly desire to return to the days when I was studying in Sri KL. I think it's got partly to do with the fact that I never wanted to leave in the first place. I guess, a big part of the reason why I keep wanting to turn the clock back is that I always imagined that things would have turned out much better for me had I been given the chance to stay and at least finish F5. Instead of moving here at the end of F2. Yes, I've been here a while but it doesn't stop me from missing home. It'll always be home and that's something that my mother cannot understand. She says that home is where my family is and since my family's here... here's my home. I can't agree. I suppose I will never agree. There will always be a part of me that won't let KL go. I keep thinking that if I hadn't left that early, I wouldn't have turned out this way. I would've been happier, content, and more importantly, I would never ever have felt lonely. Things would have worked out for me at home, which is why I can't forget. KL was a chance in a lifetime. Or so I think. People say to me.. what if it didn't work the way you thought it would? Well, then I wouldn't know any different, would I? What difference does it make? I have a better education here, yes. Mum says it would be easier for me to get into uni in Melb. Is it? Chiew Keng and Yen Teng were in my year. They went to Trinity and they're going to uni next year too. Are they smarter than I am? I don't know. And so at the end of the day, I still don't understand why I had to uproot my entire life earlier than I planned on. But it makes no difference now, for what's done is done and try as I might, I can't turn back the clock. I can only look forward, no matter how bleak it seems. Lonely as I am, that's all I can do. I won't ever stop looking back, even glimpses will do, late at night when loneliness overwhelms me, and I could never stop wishing for what could be. And if I was ever given the chance to turn back time, I would make sure that I ran away the night before the flight.

Sorry.. a little morose but that's how I feel.