No, no self-control whatsoever

Ahahah.. yeah, i lost my self-control as soon as I published that post yesterday. Oooh.. it was nasty. I called n smsed.

And THEN! I got a call from his girlfriend asking me to f**k off.. Ahahahhahaa... well, i didn't even know that he had a girlfriend. But anywayz, there was this whole big argument between all of us now. She thinks I'm trying to hit on him. Hah! Ah well, we're trying to settle this whole issue; trying to sort things out. He's supposedly meant to meet me tomorrow to explain himself to me. Alone. But last night/early early this morning, I got msgs from him trying to back out from the meeting. Trying to break his promise. But I can't really be sure that it was him and not his gf. Somehow the conversation just didn't add up. Maybe it was his girlfriend dictating what he keyed in. Yeah, maybe that was it. Except it still doesn't explain him saying that the ring he showed me was his engagement ring. Cos on Friday he told me it was a ring that his mum gave him for his 21st. So that's why I thought it was his gf msging. But then how did she know that he showed me his ring? So now I'm kinda lost.

I'm crazily nervous. Butterflies in my tummies. I'm so afraid that he'll break his promise and that I won't be able to do anything about it tomorrow. So SCARED!! My nerves are so highly strung, it's not funny. Eesh. There are so many things racing thru my mind that I can't relax. Don't want to be left alone but don't want to be around people either. Today for the first time in my life, I walked down the street with sunglasses on because I was praying so hard that no one would notice or recognize me. How pathetic. I'm just so jittery at the moment. Can't focus on anything but at the same time I'm focused on everything. Literally the scatter-brain. Now my sis has gone out for a couple of drinks and I'm terrified of being alone because it gives me time to think. I can barely sleep because of these many thoughts racing thru my head. I need a break. Tomorrow is supposed to be my saviour when it all ends. But if doesn't happen then I have to live thru this hell for a while longer. The stress is getting to me. My sis even said it was scary how I was reacting this way. I've never been this way before. Never. I've always been beyond this. Then again, this is the first time I ever let my guard down. And got hurt so bad. Big mistake.. *sigh* I hope it works out well tomorrow. I hope I hope I hope. So much for my sake. Or I'll go crazy this way.