Self-control - that's all it takes

Erghh.. so frustrated. I'm SOOOOO mad at Aun Joe. I'm beyond mad. I'm frigginly pissed off. Why am I so mad? Cos the damn asshole won't talk to me anymore after Friday and he doesn't have the friggin courage to tell me to piss off. Instead, he's been casually avoiding my calls, claiming that he's in class and that he's got a whole lot of assignments that he has to rush thru during this week and therefore won't be able to talk to me till sometime next week, MAYBE. Friggin ass. Why can't he just tell me that he's found someone better to spend his time with? I mean, rather than leave me hanging like this. Yeah sure, we're just friends. But I dun see how it makes it any better. I think it's still unforgivable. Such an obvious brush-off.

But here I am trying to tell myself every single day that maybe he's not lying. Maybe he really is busy with his assignments. And maybe he just doesn't have time for anything else at the moment. But then another part of me says that I'm sure it's not so difficult to spend 5 mins to give me a call and ask me how I'm doing. After all, he was calling me so many friggin times a day before I met him on Friday. So wtf is going on, right? Asshole.

And now I find myself getting so angry and agitated that I feel like marching down to his friggin place on Flinders St and waiting outside his friggin door until he friggin builds the courage to face me. I'm gonna call him n tell him I'm not budging till he comes down and I dun friggin care if someone harasses me or rapes me or whatever. Cos I wanna know the truth. I dun wanna have to sit here day in and day out racking my brain to figure out what's going on - what's the truth and what isn't. I just want it admitted to me so that I know I'm not wasting my time.

Unfortunately, I'm forcing myself to wait it out. To give him benefit of the doubt that maybe he is telling the truth, and that maybe I'm just being too sensitive about the whole thing. So I keep telling myself not to contact him in any way. Wait till next week . Just keep the anger and frustration in till the week is out. And who knows by that time? Maybe I would give a flying f**k about him anymore by then. But I just need the self-control to last me throughout this week. Yes, that's all it takes, isn't it? Self-control. But it's not that friggin easy. And I can feel it eating me up inside. But I'm trying not to let on. Don't want anyone else to know about it cos I dun want them to think as if there's more to it.

Gerald> There is nothing more to it. He's just an old high school friend who turned out to be more of an asshole than I ever expected. I always thought of him as someone who meant whatever he said. Because that's how he always was to me when I was friends with him in KL. But then again, people change. And it seems I was wrong this time. So please dun take it any other way. I'm just hurting because I got snubbed by a friend real bad. *hugs* take care, you.