Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Ever the materialistic player
I think Alicia Keys was referring to me when she was singing about "some people".. *sigh* I wish it weren't so, but I can't help it. If it were a choice between a guy with lots of things to offer me, and a guy who only had love to offer me and nothing else, I would go for the one with lots to offer, simply because I don't think I could survive on love alone.
Maybe that's why people tend to think that I'm shallow and such a player. It's not intentional though.. I don't look at a guy and plan on how I can get him for a fling. I don't intend to play on someone's feelings. People misunderstand my actions. And no matter how much I wish it wasn't so, it will always be so which means that I will always continue to hurt people's feelings which means that they'll always think that I was flirting n just playing around. So now I'm sitting here wondering if perhaps, for the first time in my life, I'm contemplating that maybe I should change. Maybe I shouldn't be so open to other people. Be more conservative and narrow-minded. Because my actions are always being misenterpreted. Maybe I constantly sending out the wrong message. But I have absolutely no idea what I'm sending out so how can I fix it? The only thing I can think off is to shut down on the inside. To become distant, be unfriendly and less open. Then they'll call me cold-hearted instead. So what's a girl to do? I'm losing either way. I just don't like people to think of me as some cheap, materialistic player cos I'm not that kinda girl. They don't know what goes on in me when things like these happen. They don't know how I feel each time I realize that I've hurt someone's feelings without realizing it. To those of you who've always categorized me like that, sometimes things aren't that simple. So you should take the time to get to know me better before you call me a player. It's not as if there isn't my side to the story
Take it easy on yourself. Life is already as complicated as it is without more complications being added into it. Not there is anything wrong with being complex.I got to admit that i dont have much to offer(i know this from experience) but i will try to offer more if i could.This i emphasis. But as i already made it quite clear, my studies is my top priority Currently.There are times where u think u r hurting other ppl,but at the same time, they may think they are hurting u.That is why sometimes they dont know what to say to u since they might hurt your feelings if they are too frank about stuff. To be serious now, i dont think u r a flirtious gurl, u r going through a transition in life(i presume) where it is ok to be confused and ppl might take for granted that u r a cheap materialistic PLAYER!I personally have seen a myriad of different girls in my life. To me i will try to distance myself from potential trouble (I dont like to create a scene since i like to keep a low profile) and there r a number of girls who i try to keep a fair bit of distance with. I know that i am like reiterating what u say but i dont really want to hurt yr feeling(even though i know that i hurt u a few times already-maybe i am too straight, i should try to beat around the bush to avoid yr questions) It would really help if i know what u r feelings at times, even though the possiblity is that i may not be of any help at all, i will try to comfort u.So please to express yr feelings(we r homo sapiens with feelings rite) ................................................................
Take Care
Cheers and hugz
I think I know who u are... but I'm not quite sure. Well if u're the guy that called me the player, *sigh* it's early days.. U don't know me very well yet. And I guess it's not so important if we hurt each other in the process of getting to know each other cos that's basically how we learn more abt one another =)I'm not exactly sure what u're referring to as my transition phase, cos I've almost always been this way. u've gotta explain that further to me, pls.
Erm.. if u're not the guy who called me a player.. u have to contact me. ahaha.. i wanna discuss this further with u =P
Post a Comment
<< Home