Anger aside

I'm over it. Finally. All this while I had my doubts about whether I did the right things and whether I made the right choice. Now all my doubts have been erased and I don't know whether I should thank you for that or not.

I've spent all the days since X'mas doubting myself and making up for what I did. I tried all sorts of ways to mend things, to make things better for you, to make things easier for you, to make sure you were okay with the way things are now. You wanted a patch? I felt miserable seeing you so upset. It killed me to watch your life fall apart as I moved on without you. That's why I had my doubts. But for someone who so badly wants to have another go at things, you're definitely showing me that you want it. The sudden lack of communication says it all. I call you every day to make sure that your life is going on as planned. I check to see if you're alive and well every day. I booked my flight the same day as yours to make you happy. To keep you satisfied. To TRY and give us a chance. To stop you from going crazy. But you proved to me that perhaps leaving was the right things to do. If you cannot even be bothered to put in the effort to mend this with me then I'd rather not work on it. You don't know anything about me anymore. You don't know when I'm working and when I'm not. You don't know how I've been. You weren't even the first few to know when my blood test results are coming out. In fact I think you still don't know until now. You don't know how I've been or how close I am to jumping off a bridge. Yet you knew that me going back to Perth would have been the ultimate suicide and you chose NOT TO CARE. There, I said it. So now I'm never going back. You proved to me that I made the right choice. Thank you very much for making things clear for me. Much appreciated.