Heading in all the wrong directions - perhaps leading to my own downfall. Yay what's new?

The pain seems to have gone. I wonder whether it's a temporary or a permanent thing =/ I hope its temporary cos then at least I could give the doctors a chance to figure out what was actually wrong. Not looking forward to the ultrasound on Wednesday though. Which reminds me - having to make your way to the hospital at 3 o'clock in the morning on your own doesn't make you feel any better. Then this reminds me of all the reasons why I don't do long distance. Which kind of screws up my life. Brilliant.

Aiming for irrelevant things in life. Things to make me feel better temporarily. And I know its so stupid but I'm blinded by the path I chose and I know it's most likely leading to disappointment. How futile but yet.. ever hopeful, ever torn.

I've become cryptic. Too many thoughts, too many secrets. RARRRR so ready to spill them out but knowing now's not the best time. Or ever. =.=