You disappoint me


Wow.. harsh words and yet i accept it cos it's the only thing i know how to do. It hurts indeed, and yet i forgive over n over again. Because I would do anything to have him on my side rather than against me. Because I couldn't survive without his friendship. And so I strive SO HARD to make it all better. To be perfect. Never to disappoint him. To be a different person. Live up to his expectations, not necessarily of me, but to what i THINK he wants. I fail time n time again. Nevertheless I want to keep on trying and I know I'll keep on failing.. just fighting a losing battle. Alas, it's worth a try, isn't it? All I can do is try and see how things work out.


Like with my silent plea, which didn't really work. For a moment, i thought it did. But it must've been my imagination. Or maybe I fell for something stupid. Regardless, I maintain by what I told Nick. It doesn't matter if someone hurts me. Yeah sure I might be really angry n upset for the moment. But just give me some time and watch what happens the next time the same person hurts me in a similar manner. Absolutely nothing. And it's not that I don't FEEL anything the next time round. It's just that I suppress all emotions of hurt and anger so that I won't feel it. I don't want to feel it cos it's not as if I'll ever say that the person's managed to hurt me. How on earth do I tell them anyway? How to begin? Where to start? So complicated. And i don't wanna sound like some whiny immature brat. So the conclusion? Shut up and learn to deal with it.