19th November 1987
Dysfunctional
Sadistic
Masochistic
Protective
Specializes in sarcasm
Currently doing Masters. why??
Loves amelia koe
Loves mitsu the shih tzu
She is after all, a silent catastrophe. Be warned..
Thursday, March 25, 2004
*hics* my dad called last night.... Wahoo~!!! Hehehe....
This is terrible. I can't believe they used someone's personal tragic incident as part of a chapel service. Sure, yes it's great if u relli truly sincerely wanna pray for the person... but u can't just use it to fill up the time because u ran out of things to say in chapel. Blardee hell! This annoys me endlessly. I mean, if I was in the situation and it happened to be my dad instead, firstly, i wouldn't want the whole fucking school to know about it. I wanna choose who should know about it - not just any random who happens to be in my year. It's called respecting privacy. Secondly, I wouldn't want the whole fucking world to be talking about it anyway. It's my problem - not theirs. Telling them is just giving them a topic of gossip. Idiots.
Imagine what she'd be like when she finally returns to school. She's been thru enough over the few days and when she gets back, in the midst of recovering, everyone's going to be offering her condolences and asking how she feels. How the heck do you think she'd feel? Losing people who you're very close to, especially if it's family, of course she'd be devastated! Not as if she'd admit it to your face of course. Why should she? I mean, here she is trying to recover n people ask her about it... i reckon that would make her feel a lot worse. Then again, I could be wrong. Somehow this time I'm pretty certain that I'm right. Things are awkward now. I'm waiting for her to come back. Hoping to see that she's alright, but I wouldn't know how to behave around her because there's no way I could possibly understand what she's going thru right now, n I couldn't even begin to pretend that I understand
Having it hit so close to home really made a lot of people think and truly appreciate their close ones, even if it's only for the moment. People begin to worry about their parents not calling them, n some even put the effort in to call their dear ones. I, on the other hand, don't know where I stand. I don't exactly know who my close ones are. Who is my family, anyway? It's too complicated. Here I have been waiting for my dad to call for the past few months but he doesn't. I'm not disappointed. I can sort of understand what Jasmine meant when she said she was expecting HER to be relli cold-hearted when she gets back. I probably would be too. In fact, I already am now. *looks at my sis*
The days are disastrous. I'm not getting enough sleep, I'm not doing enough work and I can't focus in class. There are just so many things to consider and somehow work just isn't one of them right now. Damn, I need to get my life back on track. *sigh*
Weekends do me good. I relli appreciate the time away from school. That's why i lurve my weekends so much. Friends keep asking me to stay for just one weekend in the boarding house but I reckon that 5 days a week is good enuff; i'd still prefer to go home at the end of the week. n i'm sure Jess agrees. Silly gurl rang me at 7 this morning to say that she got transport for me n so I have to fulfill my duty n follow her to church. Terrible. She rang me again at 8 to make sure I was awake n finally at 9 to say that she was leaving her house. Lucky thing she called at 9 cos i fell back asleep n so her final call was relli the wake up call. My personal record - taking a shower n getting ready in the 10 mins Jess took to get here. Amazing... Hahz.. When she rang the doorbell, I had just put on my shirt n so i hadn't brushed my hair n had absolutely no breakfast. What a torture but then again, she didn't have breakfast either so that was fine. The church provided us with good brunch though.
On a different subject, I love meeting new people. But then I tend to get nervous in such situations as well. What a contradiction. I reckon I have serious issues. But my point is, I love meeting new people cos sometimes when i meet certain people, I easily become interested in knowing the person better. Look, I dun mean interested as in attracted to or having a crush on the person, I just mean that sometimes when you observe a person from a distance you find that you relli wanna know that someone better. Well, maybe this just happens to me and no one else; I dunno, never asked anyone before, but I was thinking that maybe it's something to do with that person's aura that i find fascinating. I think I'm going mad. Then again, I was always mad. The reason for bringing this up was cos it's happen to me quite frequently in my life n there was someone at Jess's church today that i felt this way too. I've met him before, at some church choir practice thing but it was a once-off situation so yeah, who cares. Meeting him today was a different experience. He's one of those silent, keep-to-yourself person which, I find, is the characteristic that I tend to find 'fascinating', let's say. Maybe cos I, personally, am very talkative. If you're wondering what's making me so certain that I dun have a crush on this guy, firstly, I've only met him twice. Secondly, this happens to girls as well. Doesn't mean I'm a lesbian, alright? As i said, it's not about attraction. It's about me finding the strong, silent types relli cool, I guess. Apparently he's a regular at my fren Tania's church. He doesn't go to Jess's church. Damn. Hahzz~!!
Which reminds me.. feeling a bit bad since Alvin smsed me just now, asking how I am. *hics* will have to call him soon. Preferably tonight.
Little message to Susan: Dun worry about me, okayz? I have my ups and downs, n though it may seem that i have more downs than ups, it's only cos I rush to blog whenever I've had a bad moment. That's why u seem to see all the bad things that go on in my life. It's relli not that bad, n I am coping with my situation. Not very well, but I am coping. That's what counts. But thanx for caring. It was much appreciated, honestly. =) More than what I can say regarding certain others. To me, if you're friends with someone, u should always look out for them n what out for signs that they are falling n I was just thinking that maybe I shouldn't expect others to look out for me but you proved me wrong. Thanks a lot. *hugs* n i WILL reply ur mail soon
Valerie's lost... I'm lost too.. Am I better yet? No... I dun think so..
Supposed to be a river cruise social thing this Friday. I think it's getting cancelled now due to the boarding house not given enough notice. *glares at Angie* she was in charge of it. *glares at Gerald* Now Val doesn't get to have a good evening away from her worries. *sigh* Sort of happy that it wasn't my intention to go anyway.. But then I kinda feel bad cos some people want me to go, esp Val n well, I just want her to have a good time cos she seemed a bit down recently..
I reckon this "feeling down" bug is relli getting around. Grrr... bad day.. PMS-ing...
The opposite sex is absolutely screwed up. Why on earth would u take a picture with some girls, even making it look quite frenly n intimate, if u are utterly grossed out by them?? n the reason for being grossed out is because u find them unattractive? bastards.. that's all i can say
On a different note, i'm trying to post up my pictures from the Ball but its not working.. *sigh* nothing's going right for me. anywayz, i'll get it up asap..
This is terrible.. i reckon my fren's depression is getting to me cos i'm feeling the same way. Grrrr.. Lost is the word.. i feel like i'm walking around aimlessly, twisting n turning in circles, straining to catch a glimpse of something familiar so i can find my way back, but all i see is darkness n clouds swirling around me.
There's so much to say, i can practically feel it bursting out of me, but yet when i sit here n try to type it all out, nuthing comes to mind n i'm finding it all just SO frustrating. i seriously need a break from life for a while. i need to get away, but dammit, i just had a long weekend 2 weeks ago... i've relli come to love my weekends, cos it's the only time where i can hole up in my room n pretend that the world doesn't exist.
I hate "friends" who are two-faced, n i hate people who encourage it even more. n i hate how i get so angry about it, because i wonder why i'm the only one who can see it. i mean, Jess can see it too, but it's not affecting her half as much as it is affecting me, therefore she's not upset about it whereas i am. n i hate how everyone here's so wrapped up in their own little world (myself included) that they don't see what goes on in the lives of the people around them.
I prefer my old life. One where i was confident of my place in the world. Assured as to where i was going. Here, I have no aim, I have no place. I don't know what my purpose is. To fail, i suppose. Then again, in my old life, there wasn't anyone to hurt me intentionally, n those who did were mindless pricks anyway. My old life didn't have people who make it their sole purpose to lie n hurt others to win their way, to the extent where they would sacrifice everything, friends included, just to get a guy. It's a whole new world for me, n it seems that after 3 years, i still haven't learnt to cope with the changes. Shit.
My mum's going back to KL next Sunday to sign the lease papers for the apartment. Double shit. I'm supposed to be sending her off... *sigh* Well, that's closure then. No more going back to KL for me.
Someone help me... hide me from the cruelties of this world. Save me from drowning... cos i can't do it on my own
Finally.. some form of updates.. after like two weeks.. oh dammit i had so much to say but it all just slipped out of my mind.. crap crap crap.. *sigh*.. anyway, after 2.5 weeks of boarding n i'm still alive..~!! wow.. much to everyone's amazement. everyone thought i'd start kicking n screaming by the end of the 2nd week.. Ahahha.. well, in truth i kinda did anyway, but yeah finally decided to put up with it.. it's not all that bad i guess.. can cope for a year. n i'm becoming kinda hermit-like in my current state. starting to relli like having my own room. have had a room-mate for the past 2 weeks n i dun relli enjoy it. can't stay up to do my work.. not to say that i DO do my work.. but the idea of it is good enuff... =P
Anywayz, i reckon i'm dropping Advanced Indo now.. which is weird considering that I've already sat for a test n a half but oh well.. Finally managed to join the Advanced Malay class at MLC (Methodist Ladies College) where Iris is currently studying. Blardee expensive but it'll have to do. My mum n I made a deal - if I do count Malay in my TER then i dun have to pay her back a singe cent.. but if I DON't count it, then i have to pay her the $900 PLUS the taxi fares.. 23 each way. Ouch.. hmmph.. i blardee well count it. got 11/20 for english AGAIN. akakaka there's no way i'll be counting that...
Hectic life right now, which I'm relli enjoying despite everyone's worries.. i'm coping fine... it helps me stay focused, n not fall into any dark abyss.. which is more than i can say for a certain friend of mine. He's being relli difficult at the moment.. he's in malaysia currently.. n he's feeling a bit "down" shall i say, n he made a request to me to help him back up.. the only problem is that, he won't let me call him or talk to him.. He says not to call, just to sms.. but not only is it much cheaper for me to call him, i also can't afford to spend all my credit on sending text messages to console him.. i'm rich but i'm not THAT rich.. in fact, i'm not rich at all.. not at the moment anyway.. Hmmph.. credit balance as of now.. $1.49 OUCH!
Well, alright.. kinda forgot what else i wanted to say. update soon.. hopefully not in 2 weeks.. n i have to write testimonials for all the friends who wrote one for me n are now patiently waiting for me to write something decent back. yech.. ahhah anywayz... ttfn
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This is terrible. I can't believe they used someone's personal tragic incident as part of a chapel service. Sure, yes it's great if u relli truly sincerely wanna pray for the person... but u can't just use it to fill up the time because u ran out of things to say in chapel. Blardee hell! This annoys me endlessly. I mean, if I was in the situation and it happened to be my dad instead, firstly, i wouldn't want the whole fucking school to know about it. I wanna choose who should know about it - not just any random who happens to be in my year. It's called respecting privacy. Secondly, I wouldn't want the whole fucking world to be talking about it anyway. It's my problem - not theirs. Telling them is just giving them a topic of gossip. Idiots.
Imagine what she'd be like when she finally returns to school. She's been thru enough over the few days and when she gets back, in the midst of recovering, everyone's going to be offering her condolences and asking how she feels. How the heck do you think she'd feel? Losing people who you're very close to, especially if it's family, of course she'd be devastated! Not as if she'd admit it to your face of course. Why should she? I mean, here she is trying to recover n people ask her about it... i reckon that would make her feel a lot worse. Then again, I could be wrong. Somehow this time I'm pretty certain that I'm right. Things are awkward now. I'm waiting for her to come back. Hoping to see that she's alright, but I wouldn't know how to behave around her because there's no way I could possibly understand what she's going thru right now, n I couldn't even begin to pretend that I understand
Having it hit so close to home really made a lot of people think and truly appreciate their close ones, even if it's only for the moment. People begin to worry about their parents not calling them, n some even put the effort in to call their dear ones. I, on the other hand, don't know where I stand. I don't exactly know who my close ones are. Who is my family, anyway? It's too complicated. Here I have been waiting for my dad to call for the past few months but he doesn't. I'm not disappointed. I can sort of understand what Jasmine meant when she said she was expecting HER to be relli cold-hearted when she gets back. I probably would be too. In fact, I already am now. *looks at my sis*
The days are disastrous. I'm not getting enough sleep, I'm not doing enough work and I can't focus in class. There are just so many things to consider and somehow work just isn't one of them right now. Damn, I need to get my life back on track. *sigh*
To my dad or my sis, pls call me ASAP...
Jennifer left this place at 11:45 PM | 0 comments
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Weekends do me good. I relli appreciate the time away from school. That's why i lurve my weekends so much. Friends keep asking me to stay for just one weekend in the boarding house but I reckon that 5 days a week is good enuff; i'd still prefer to go home at the end of the week. n i'm sure Jess agrees. Silly gurl rang me at 7 this morning to say that she got transport for me n so I have to fulfill my duty n follow her to church. Terrible. She rang me again at 8 to make sure I was awake n finally at 9 to say that she was leaving her house. Lucky thing she called at 9 cos i fell back asleep n so her final call was relli the wake up call. My personal record - taking a shower n getting ready in the 10 mins Jess took to get here. Amazing... Hahz.. When she rang the doorbell, I had just put on my shirt n so i hadn't brushed my hair n had absolutely no breakfast. What a torture but then again, she didn't have breakfast either so that was fine. The church provided us with good brunch though.
On a different subject, I love meeting new people. But then I tend to get nervous in such situations as well. What a contradiction. I reckon I have serious issues. But my point is, I love meeting new people cos sometimes when i meet certain people, I easily become interested in knowing the person better. Look, I dun mean interested as in attracted to or having a crush on the person, I just mean that sometimes when you observe a person from a distance you find that you relli wanna know that someone better. Well, maybe this just happens to me and no one else; I dunno, never asked anyone before, but I was thinking that maybe it's something to do with that person's aura that i find fascinating. I think I'm going mad. Then again, I was always mad. The reason for bringing this up was cos it's happen to me quite frequently in my life n there was someone at Jess's church today that i felt this way too. I've met him before, at some church choir practice thing but it was a once-off situation so yeah, who cares. Meeting him today was a different experience. He's one of those silent, keep-to-yourself person which, I find, is the characteristic that I tend to find 'fascinating', let's say. Maybe cos I, personally, am very talkative. If you're wondering what's making me so certain that I dun have a crush on this guy, firstly, I've only met him twice. Secondly, this happens to girls as well. Doesn't mean I'm a lesbian, alright? As i said, it's not about attraction. It's about me finding the strong, silent types relli cool, I guess. Apparently he's a regular at my fren Tania's church. He doesn't go to Jess's church. Damn. Hahzz~!!
Which reminds me.. feeling a bit bad since Alvin smsed me just now, asking how I am. *hics* will have to call him soon. Preferably tonight.
Little message to Susan: Dun worry about me, okayz? I have my ups and downs, n though it may seem that i have more downs than ups, it's only cos I rush to blog whenever I've had a bad moment. That's why u seem to see all the bad things that go on in my life. It's relli not that bad, n I am coping with my situation. Not very well, but I am coping. That's what counts. But thanx for caring. It was much appreciated, honestly. =) More than what I can say regarding certain others. To me, if you're friends with someone, u should always look out for them n what out for signs that they are falling n I was just thinking that maybe I shouldn't expect others to look out for me but you proved me wrong. Thanks a lot. *hugs* n i WILL reply ur mail soon
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Valerie's lost... I'm lost too.. Am I better yet? No... I dun think so..
Supposed to be a river cruise social thing this Friday. I think it's getting cancelled now due to the boarding house not given enough notice. *glares at Angie* she was in charge of it. *glares at Gerald* Now Val doesn't get to have a good evening away from her worries. *sigh* Sort of happy that it wasn't my intention to go anyway.. But then I kinda feel bad cos some people want me to go, esp Val n well, I just want her to have a good time cos she seemed a bit down recently..
I reckon this "feeling down" bug is relli getting around. Grrr... bad day.. PMS-ing...
Dun even know what to say no more..
Iris> Are u going for the social? Or not?
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The opposite sex is absolutely screwed up. Why on earth would u take a picture with some girls, even making it look quite frenly n intimate, if u are utterly grossed out by them?? n the reason for being grossed out is because u find them unattractive? bastards.. that's all i can say
On a different note, i'm trying to post up my pictures from the Ball but its not working.. *sigh* nothing's going right for me. anywayz, i'll get it up asap..
Jennifer left this place at 1:09 AM | 0 comments
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This is terrible.. i reckon my fren's depression is getting to me cos i'm feeling the same way. Grrrr.. Lost is the word.. i feel like i'm walking around aimlessly, twisting n turning in circles, straining to catch a glimpse of something familiar so i can find my way back, but all i see is darkness n clouds swirling around me.
There's so much to say, i can practically feel it bursting out of me, but yet when i sit here n try to type it all out, nuthing comes to mind n i'm finding it all just SO frustrating. i seriously need a break from life for a while. i need to get away, but dammit, i just had a long weekend 2 weeks ago... i've relli come to love my weekends, cos it's the only time where i can hole up in my room n pretend that the world doesn't exist.
I hate "friends" who are two-faced, n i hate people who encourage it even more. n i hate how i get so angry about it, because i wonder why i'm the only one who can see it. i mean, Jess can see it too, but it's not affecting her half as much as it is affecting me, therefore she's not upset about it whereas i am. n i hate how everyone here's so wrapped up in their own little world (myself included) that they don't see what goes on in the lives of the people around them.
I prefer my old life. One where i was confident of my place in the world. Assured as to where i was going. Here, I have no aim, I have no place. I don't know what my purpose is. To fail, i suppose. Then again, in my old life, there wasn't anyone to hurt me intentionally, n those who did were mindless pricks anyway. My old life didn't have people who make it their sole purpose to lie n hurt others to win their way, to the extent where they would sacrifice everything, friends included, just to get a guy. It's a whole new world for me, n it seems that after 3 years, i still haven't learnt to cope with the changes. Shit.
My mum's going back to KL next Sunday to sign the lease papers for the apartment. Double shit. I'm supposed to be sending her off... *sigh* Well, that's closure then. No more going back to KL for me.
Someone help me... hide me from the cruelties of this world. Save me from drowning... cos i can't do it on my own
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Oh yes, I also have to change my email add... n also change my layout.. no more V'day....
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Finally.. some form of updates.. after like two weeks.. oh dammit i had so much to say but it all just slipped out of my mind.. crap crap crap.. *sigh*.. anyway, after 2.5 weeks of boarding n i'm still alive..~!! wow.. much to everyone's amazement. everyone thought i'd start kicking n screaming by the end of the 2nd week.. Ahahha.. well, in truth i kinda did anyway, but yeah finally decided to put up with it.. it's not all that bad i guess.. can cope for a year. n i'm becoming kinda hermit-like in my current state. starting to relli like having my own room. have had a room-mate for the past 2 weeks n i dun relli enjoy it. can't stay up to do my work.. not to say that i DO do my work.. but the idea of it is good enuff... =P
Anywayz, i reckon i'm dropping Advanced Indo now.. which is weird considering that I've already sat for a test n a half but oh well.. Finally managed to join the Advanced Malay class at MLC (Methodist Ladies College) where Iris is currently studying. Blardee expensive but it'll have to do. My mum n I made a deal - if I do count Malay in my TER then i dun have to pay her back a singe cent.. but if I DON't count it, then i have to pay her the $900 PLUS the taxi fares.. 23 each way. Ouch.. hmmph.. i blardee well count it. got 11/20 for english AGAIN. akakaka there's no way i'll be counting that...
Hectic life right now, which I'm relli enjoying despite everyone's worries.. i'm coping fine... it helps me stay focused, n not fall into any dark abyss.. which is more than i can say for a certain friend of mine. He's being relli difficult at the moment.. he's in malaysia currently.. n he's feeling a bit "down" shall i say, n he made a request to me to help him back up.. the only problem is that, he won't let me call him or talk to him.. He says not to call, just to sms.. but not only is it much cheaper for me to call him, i also can't afford to spend all my credit on sending text messages to console him.. i'm rich but i'm not THAT rich.. in fact, i'm not rich at all.. not at the moment anyway.. Hmmph.. credit balance as of now.. $1.49 OUCH!
Well, alright.. kinda forgot what else i wanted to say. update soon.. hopefully not in 2 weeks.. n i have to write testimonials for all the friends who wrote one for me n are now patiently waiting for me to write something decent back. yech.. ahhah anywayz... ttfn
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