19th November 1987
Dysfunctional
Sadistic
Masochistic
Protective
Specializes in sarcasm
Currently doing Masters. why??
Loves amelia koe
Loves mitsu the shih tzu
She is after all, a silent catastrophe. Be warned..
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Ugh.. it's just been one of those days. Just going to crawl under my blanket and DIE.
Why is it that after all this time I still find myself lying to the people I care most around me? Isn't the about time I came clean?
Ame, yeah Sean and I did have an argument. In fact, we're taking a break. More for me than for him. I don't even know what I want anymore. But I don't know why I didn't tell you that. Guess I didn't want all the concern and sympathy etc etc.
And after what I did, there seems to be this big humongous fear gripping my heart because I don't know if I did the right thing. And if I did, then why am I not as upset as I should be? Yet, I doubt myself. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore and I hate it. Why is it so hard to make a decision and stick with it?
If you find someone who really loves you, and he loves you more than I do.. Go for it.. I'll be happy for you
Don't love me.. I'm not good. I have a record of being unfaithful. There.. It's out in the open. I'll always be looking for someone or something better. I'll always have a wandering eye. The only way to stop seems to be if you're by my side 24/7. Even then I wish I had something better. I can't help it. I always wish for a better life. I'm human. I'm never happy. I'm never contented. I'm never satisfied. So don't love me. I can't make you happy.
Just a little something for you, if you so happen to read this.
I think I'll teman you tonight la. Instead of going hardkandy.
No no no.. you think? I thought this was the kinda thing couples did for each other automatically.. Without thought. I'm not gonna ask you to stay home for me. In fact, pay close attention to what I told you to do. Go. Go for hardkandy. Go and have fun. No point you staying home just cos Dave's coming already and I'm feeling lonely and scared. Yeah. So what if your girlfriend's having a massive panic attack that she hasn't been eating or sleeping well since before she even left Melbourne? So don't pretend you don't know. Cos you do. Not that you care, of course. No big deal. She's a big girl. She can take care of herself, right? Like I take care of you? And then get yelled at for it? Yah. Thanks. I hope you enjoy your Christmas and New Year. I really hope you do. Listen to me closely when I tell you I spent more time on Christmas Eve with everyone else than with you. And listen to me when I say that it's going to be the same tonight. Christmas. And it's going to be the same a week from now. New Year's. Yeah it's going to be the same.
I don't understand!! WHY?? Why would you rather spend X'mas with other ppl other than me? Why do you put so much attention on two girls who happen to be your friends' girlfriends and not yours? Why can't you take my money when you know it would mean so much to me that I don't even care if I have to $5 million to have you here? Why are you so different from what I had planned my entire life? What have I done? How did I get here? You make it sound like I'm the one with the issues. Put your pride aside for once la. Try and think about someone who happens to need you now. Not that you're there for her. Like she's always been there for you. Maybe this is karma. My bad. I'm sorry.
Fuck la! I'm so angry. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Either I'm beginning to open my eyes. Or i'm being poisoned. Lol. I don't even know whether it's a good thing or not. No offence, yeah? I don't mean it in a bad way. God knows I appreciate all you've done for me. =)
But anyways! Merry X'mas! And since I am sadly spending X'mas by my lonesome, I have decided to rent my all time fave romantic comedy, Love Actually. Just to make me feel worse than I already do, I guess. Yesh I'm a sadist. What's new? And to add to my collection, I have The Breakup, Lake House (I think), and Must Love Dogs. Uh huh.. all the sappy love shows while waiting for The Holiday to come out on Boxing Day. Then I can truly be miserable. YAY!
And so Dave's coming tomorrow. I'm scared fuckless but I'm not gonna say anything though. Che said that if it was really that bad then she and Dave can stay at a nearby hotel. But I don't want her to do that seeing as it's only since she's been here that I've even remotely been sleeping. So now I dunno. Will his being here make my sleeping worse? Or will the fact that she's around be enough to make up for it? Sian.. I very stress =/ I hate it here. I hate me *growl*
Love of my life, how could I live without you? The one in my life, how could I ever leave you?
The answer is, I can't. LOL. Wishing you were here. Know it.
BOO HOO *sob* cannot workk.. Sian! I got headache from trying lor. And I feel so stupid for being so.. ADSL illiterate. FARRRRKKKKK I'M SO ANGRRRRYYYY I'M SO ANNOYEDDDDDDD. Why so difficult?? ):
And now it's already 2am ++ in the morning. 4am++ in Melbourne. Gerald has given up on me and gone to sleep. Sean has class tomorrow and he's asleep too. And now I'm lonely. ): Anybody wanna stay awake with me? I watching Sex and the City until I die on my bed. Sian-ness overcoming me. Bleah. What to do? Update tomorrow lor. Save pics for later. Craving for... from all the stress *sob* HATE HATE HATE!!
Mummy not using 56k edi~!! I so happy HAHAHAHA. Doesn't make me wanna stay here though but at least it makes life easier for me. I seem to have lots of pics these few days. Maybe cos I so jobless now. But then.. nvm la.. last time no pics at all. SO better than nothing. But then I dunno how to setup the bloody wireless so now have to wait till everyone go sleep edi then I can sneak into mummy's office/study to use her lan cable. so sad..
Gerald helping me fix. I post everything later when I'm nice and happy and lan cable-free ^^. If I should be so lucky.
okays so its 20 mins to the when I have to leave the house for the airport. Sian. I spent the evening wishing that something would happen to me, like sprain an ankle or something so that I have to go hospital and would then have to delay my flight. But then.. have to be really careful what I wish for. Later something worse happen, then how?
My last post with ADSL. 56k modem dialup thingymajig here I come. =/ Don't like.. I have things to post but I don't think I'll do it now so that I at least have something to do when I land at 7.15am. But what if the connection is so slow that I cannot upload my photos?!?!?! Solution: go mummy's store and use the ADSL connection there. YEAH! But that makes life so sad ):
Che, faster come back so you can be sad with me for a while. Hehe! 3 more days.
Adel, sorry I oso dun wanna go back. ): but mummy force. Otherwise no money for me. How? I come back earlier than planned edi. ^^ I'll see you before you leave somemore. Yippee yay yay!
As everyone who go out with me often enough, my supply of shoes/sandals/heels ain't very big. This year I've been living on one pair of heels (my white ones), one pair of sandals (pale yellow), two Nikes and a Converse. That's all I wear. Yeah I have more shoes than that but I lent my one other pair of heels to Ame (which is broken now) and the rest of my shoes were still at my sister's place. SO! The big question here is, "what's your point, Jenn?"
Here's my point. Take a look at what happens what you have dogs around that are skinny enough to squeeze out of the fence.
(L-R) My pair of white heels, yellow sandals, black dance shoe
AHHHHHHHH~!! My precious white heels that I bought from KL!! Now I shall let everyone know that I bought those shoes before I even LEFT kl for good. So that makes them about, what, like 5 years old? Yeah.. they're very precious to me. boo hoo *sobsobsob* And my dance shoes which I've only really worn twice or something like that. And now I have no more sandals. Which means I have nothing else to wear but Nikes and Converse since I do not own any pairs of slippers/thongs. HOW?? How to live life liddat? Have to spend money on shoes now ): siannnn..
Feel like doing so much, yet so little. Don't feel like sleeping but NOTHING TO DO! Everybody sleeping. I feel so sian. Can somebody please be awake with me?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOOHOOOO I MISS MY BABYY I WANT TO HUG HIM NOWWWW!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why you make me so sad you know how emo i get over dogs!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH. make sure adel goes over to visit okay when mitsu is not there!! it's okay la nobody love mitsu i love him. hahaha. and yes i heard buddy's damn cute. hahah.
dogs don't like mitsu, humans like la.. i'll try and see if can arrange to bring budd over more.. very hard to transport since he's so big... cannot put in carrier. hahahaha (:
I took a couple of photos so if you wanna get them can ask me la =)
Anyways, I spent a couple of hours last night/this morning working on my Photoshop. Too bad my keygen isn't working. And... I can't get the background image for my div to work properly. For some reason it shrinks by 1/4. =/ anyone care to try and help me? I DUNNO WHAT TO DO~!!! *stress* I'm so lazy to edit my layout though. I did everything halfway then now can't be bothered to finish it off. Even downloaded heaps of fonts cos I was supposed to write something at the top but.. lazy.
Meanwhile Mitsu is stuck in the toilet for tonight cos Sleepy has decided to push the door shut as he walked out. I shall leave my Mitsu in there ^^. Ame, Sleepy made new friend today! Vanessa's dog, Buddy came over with Leona, Ashley, Adel and Charlie. Very cute lehhh but very big too and very pussy. Haha I like! He got along okay with Sleepy but I think he hated Mitsu. Keep growling at him. *tee hee* nobody likes the fat dog =P See, Mitsu? Don't act cute. No point. Still nobody like.
Okies! So I managed to get my hands on Photoshop and I'm gonna start working on it after this.
But first of all.. Sleepy's upsetting me ): He keeps lying at the hallway in front of the main door as if he's waiting for Ame or King to come back and get him. If he's not in front of the door, he's next to me on the bed. I feel so sad for him. It's only gonna get worse when I leave for Perth with Mitsu. Poor Sleepy is lying on my pile of clothes next to the bed and has woken up to give me a long hard frown as if he knows I'm talking about him. *sigh* ame, king, hurry back!
I've been stuck to SDO for the whole day. There's not much to do in Melbourne anymore since pretty much everyone's gone back to their own countries but somehow I still don't wanna go back to Perth. Yeah I know mummy n jim are there but still.. I never liked that place.. and to go back to all those memories. Somehow that thought doesn't seem so appealing. I'd rather be here where I can hide out away from everything. Or in KL ^^ haven't been back in ages. I do so wanna go back. Not that I'm allowed to or anything. But it'd be nice to go back though =) anyways! back to SDO for a bit and then I'm gonna play with my new Photoshop. YAY~!!
Life itself is so fragile let alone a relationship.
I dont know the whole story about u and sean but ....... I just hope that it works out for both of you.
Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year Jennifer.
From Mike Sim,
Note: Let bygones be bygones. Its useless reflecting on the PAST. As long as you are true to yrself that is all that matter NOW.
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Why is it that after all this time I still find myself lying to the people I care most around me? Isn't the about time I came clean?
Ame, yeah Sean and I did have an argument. In fact, we're taking a break. More for me than for him. I don't even know what I want anymore. But I don't know why I didn't tell you that. Guess I didn't want all the concern and sympathy etc etc.
And after what I did, there seems to be this big humongous fear gripping my heart because I don't know if I did the right thing. And if I did, then why am I not as upset as I should be? Yet, I doubt myself. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore and I hate it. Why is it so hard to make a decision and stick with it?
If you find someone who really loves you, and he loves you more than I do.. Go for it.. I'll be happy for you
Don't love me.. I'm not good. I have a record of being unfaithful. There.. It's out in the open. I'll always be looking for someone or something better. I'll always have a wandering eye. The only way to stop seems to be if you're by my side 24/7. Even then I wish I had something better. I can't help it. I always wish for a better life. I'm human. I'm never happy. I'm never contented. I'm never satisfied. So don't love me. I can't make you happy.
Jennifer left this place at 3:18 AM | 0 comments
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You disappoint me. Endlessly. Yes, go to hardkandy. I shan't say a word. Never again. Pls don't come here. I don't wanna see you. I don't want to
Jennifer left this place at 11:21 PM | 0 comments
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Just a little something for you, if you so happen to read this.
I think I'll teman you tonight la. Instead of going hardkandy.
No no no.. you think? I thought this was the kinda thing couples did for each other automatically.. Without thought. I'm not gonna ask you to stay home for me. In fact, pay close attention to what I told you to do. Go. Go for hardkandy. Go and have fun. No point you staying home just cos Dave's coming already and I'm feeling lonely and scared. Yeah. So what if your girlfriend's having a massive panic attack that she hasn't been eating or sleeping well since before she even left Melbourne? So don't pretend you don't know. Cos you do. Not that you care, of course. No big deal. She's a big girl. She can take care of herself, right? Like I take care of you? And then get yelled at for it? Yah. Thanks. I hope you enjoy your Christmas and New Year. I really hope you do. Listen to me closely when I tell you I spent more time on Christmas Eve with everyone else than with you. And listen to me when I say that it's going to be the same tonight. Christmas. And it's going to be the same a week from now. New Year's. Yeah it's going to be the same.
I don't understand!! WHY?? Why would you rather spend X'mas with other ppl other than me? Why do you put so much attention on two girls who happen to be your friends' girlfriends and not yours? Why can't you take my money when you know it would mean so much to me that I don't even care if I have to $5 million to have you here? Why are you so different from what I had planned my entire life? What have I done? How did I get here? You make it sound like I'm the one with the issues. Put your pride aside for once la. Try and think about someone who happens to need you now. Not that you're there for her. Like she's always been there for you. Maybe this is karma. My bad. I'm sorry.
Fuck la! I'm so angry. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Either I'm beginning to open my eyes. Or i'm being poisoned. Lol. I don't even know whether it's a good thing or not. No offence, yeah? I don't mean it in a bad way. God knows I appreciate all you've done for me. =)
Jennifer left this place at 5:49 PM | 0 comments
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Nobody love me, please. I'll only hurt you.
*sigh* why do I so understand leh?
But anyways! Merry X'mas! And since I am sadly spending X'mas by my lonesome, I have decided to rent my all time fave romantic comedy, Love Actually. Just to make me feel worse than I already do, I guess. Yesh I'm a sadist. What's new? And to add to my collection, I have The Breakup, Lake House (I think), and Must Love Dogs. Uh huh.. all the sappy love shows while waiting for The Holiday to come out on Boxing Day. Then I can truly be miserable. YAY!
And so Dave's coming tomorrow. I'm scared fuckless but I'm not gonna say anything though. Che said that if it was really that bad then she and Dave can stay at a nearby hotel. But I don't want her to do that seeing as it's only since she's been here that I've even remotely been sleeping. So now I dunno. Will his being here make my sleeping worse? Or will the fact that she's around be enough to make up for it? Sian.. I very stress =/ I hate it here. I hate me *growl*
Love of my life, how could I live without you?
The one in my life, how could I ever leave you?
The answer is, I can't. LOL. Wishing you were here. Know it.
Jennifer left this place at 1:31 AM | 0 comments
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BOO HOO *sob* cannot workk.. Sian! I got headache from trying lor. And I feel so stupid for being so.. ADSL illiterate. FARRRRKKKKK I'M SO ANGRRRRYYYY I'M SO ANNOYEDDDDDDD. Why so difficult?? ):
And now it's already 2am ++ in the morning. 4am++ in Melbourne. Gerald has given up on me and gone to sleep. Sean has class tomorrow and he's asleep too. And now I'm lonely. ): Anybody wanna stay awake with me? I watching Sex and the City until I die on my bed. Sian-ness overcoming me. Bleah. What to do? Update tomorrow lor. Save pics for later. Craving for... from all the stress *sob* HATE HATE HATE!!
Jennifer left this place at 4:16 AM | 0 comments
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Mummy not using 56k edi~!! I so happy HAHAHAHA. Doesn't make me wanna stay here though but at least it makes life easier for me. I seem to have lots of pics these few days. Maybe cos I so jobless now. But then.. nvm la.. last time no pics at all. SO better than nothing. But then I dunno how to setup the bloody wireless so now have to wait till everyone go sleep edi then I can sneak into mummy's office/study to use her lan cable. so sad..
Gerald helping me fix. I post everything later when I'm nice and happy and lan cable-free ^^. If I should be so lucky.
Jennifer left this place at 3:06 AM | 0 comments
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okays so its 20 mins to the when I have to leave the house for the airport. Sian. I spent the evening wishing that something would happen to me, like sprain an ankle or something so that I have to go hospital and would then have to delay my flight. But then.. have to be really careful what I wish for. Later something worse happen, then how?
My last post with ADSL. 56k modem dialup thingymajig here I come. =/ Don't like.. I have things to post but I don't think I'll do it now so that I at least have something to do when I land at 7.15am. But what if the connection is so slow that I cannot upload my photos?!?!?! Solution: go mummy's store and use the ADSL connection there. YEAH! But that makes life so sad ):
Che, faster come back so you can be sad with me for a while. Hehe! 3 more days.
Adel, sorry I oso dun wanna go back. ): but mummy force. Otherwise no money for me. How? I come back earlier than planned edi. ^^ I'll see you before you leave somemore. Yippee yay yay!
Jennifer left this place at 3:59 AM | 0 comments
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As everyone who go out with me often enough, my supply of shoes/sandals/heels ain't very big. This year I've been living on one pair of heels (my white ones), one pair of sandals (pale yellow), two Nikes and a Converse. That's all I wear. Yeah I have more shoes than that but I lent my one other pair of heels to Ame (which is broken now) and the rest of my shoes were still at my sister's place. SO! The big question here is, "what's your point, Jenn?"
Here's my point. Take a look at what happens what you have dogs around that are skinny enough to squeeze out of the fence.
(L-R) My pair of white heels, yellow sandals, black dance shoe
AHHHHHHHH~!! My precious white heels that I bought from KL!! Now I shall let everyone know that I bought those shoes before I even LEFT kl for good. So that makes them about, what, like 5 years old? Yeah.. they're very precious to me. boo hoo *sobsobsob* And my dance shoes which I've only really worn twice or something like that. And now I have no more sandals. Which means I have nothing else to wear but Nikes and Converse since I do not own any pairs of slippers/thongs. HOW?? How to live life liddat? Have to spend money on shoes now ): siannnn..
Jennifer left this place at 8:11 AM | 0 comments
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Feel like doing so much, yet so little. Don't feel like sleeping but NOTHING TO DO! Everybody sleeping. I feel so sian. Can somebody please be awake with me?
Jennifer left this place at 7:07 AM | 2 comments
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOOHOOOO I MISS MY BABYY I WANT TO HUG HIM NOWWWW!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why you make me so sad you know how emo i get over dogs!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH. make sure adel goes over to visit okay when mitsu is not there!! it's okay la nobody love mitsu i love him. hahaha. and yes i heard buddy's damn cute. hahah.
HARLOE. (:
dogs don't like mitsu, humans like la.. i'll try and see if can arrange to bring budd over more.. very hard to transport since he's so big... cannot put in carrier. hahahaha (:
LOVE LOVE POUNCE POUNCE DON"T GO PERTH.
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Ame! Look see!
I took a couple of photos so if you wanna get them can ask me la =)
Anyways, I spent a couple of hours last night/this morning working on my Photoshop. Too bad my keygen isn't working. And... I can't get the background image for my div to work properly. For some reason it shrinks by 1/4. =/ anyone care to try and help me? I DUNNO WHAT TO DO~!!! *stress* I'm so lazy to edit my layout though. I did everything halfway then now can't be bothered to finish it off. Even downloaded heaps of fonts cos I was supposed to write something at the top but.. lazy.
Meanwhile Mitsu is stuck in the toilet for tonight cos Sleepy has decided to push the door shut as he walked out. I shall leave my Mitsu in there ^^. Ame, Sleepy made new friend today! Vanessa's dog, Buddy came over with Leona, Ashley, Adel and Charlie. Very cute lehhh but very big too and very pussy. Haha I like! He got along okay with Sleepy but I think he hated Mitsu. Keep growling at him. *tee hee* nobody likes the fat dog =P See, Mitsu? Don't act cute. No point. Still nobody like.
Jennifer left this place at 6:00 AM | 0 comments
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Okies! So I managed to get my hands on Photoshop and I'm gonna start working on it after this.
But first of all.. Sleepy's upsetting me ): He keeps lying at the hallway in front of the main door as if he's waiting for Ame or King to come back and get him. If he's not in front of the door, he's next to me on the bed. I feel so sad for him. It's only gonna get worse when I leave for Perth with Mitsu. Poor Sleepy is lying on my pile of clothes next to the bed and has woken up to give me a long hard frown as if he knows I'm talking about him. *sigh* ame, king, hurry back!
I've been stuck to SDO for the whole day. There's not much to do in Melbourne anymore since pretty much everyone's gone back to their own countries but somehow I still don't wanna go back to Perth. Yeah I know mummy n jim are there but still.. I never liked that place.. and to go back to all those memories. Somehow that thought doesn't seem so appealing. I'd rather be here where I can hide out away from everything. Or in KL ^^ haven't been back in ages. I do so wanna go back. Not that I'm allowed to or anything. But it'd be nice to go back though =) anyways! back to SDO for a bit and then I'm gonna play with my new Photoshop. YAY~!!
Jennifer left this place at 7:40 AM | 0 comments
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I like! I made it myself! So proudddddd.. it's not done yet though. Won't be done till I get my hands on Photoshop somehow.
But anyways, a new layout for a new me. And yes, I'm supposedly starting blogging again but its 9am so I'm gonna give it a rest for now. =)
Jennifer left this place at 8:41 AM | 1 comments
i don't know why my previous comment didn't show up, but YAYYY you did itt and it's pretty!! (:
now your blog template looking more and more like my old ones hhaha. picture. box. plain text. no scrollbar. HAHAH (:
and thanks for looking after sleepy tell him i miss him and give him five kisses! (:
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