19th November 1987
Dysfunctional
Sadistic
Masochistic
Protective
Specializes in sarcasm
Currently doing Masters. why??
Loves amelia koe
Loves mitsu the shih tzu
She is after all, a silent catastrophe. Be warned..
Monday, May 30, 2005
!@#$%^&
!@$#^#&&^%##@!%@^&%
I'm upset. And I don't know why. Well I know why. But I don't see why.
I did this lil thing on Friendster a couple of days ago..
Message: This is a game called the "crush test"
Post this if you want to see who is crushing on you! you never know who may come around...if i am your crush reply to me saying "i have a crush on you!" now, who has the guts to actually reply to this? you may be surprised.
but you better post this again so you can see who has a crush on YOU!!!!!!!
Was actually doing it to see if the person i had a crush on felt the same way or, i guess, have the guts to tell me if he/she/it did. No response. Hah. Anyhow.. hahaha hmm.. i was rather surprised by the responses i got though. Thank you all for being so sweet =) *hugs* I hope you'll find someone who feels as strongly towards you guys/girls. Luv ya always, you know you're always special to me!
ArgHHhhh.. Bio exam in a week's time.. Haven't started studying yet *tee hee*.. too engrossed in watching my little lovely collection of downloaded shows. Crap.
I wonder what I'm gonna do for the whole of swot vac. no lectures, no tutes, no pracs. No need to go to uni at all. so sien, every day just staying at home. to "study". yeah right. Well at least Bio n Chem revision lectures are tomorrow. It'll give me a reason to go out n do something. And hopefully some studying. Somehow the fact that exams are just around the corner hasn't really hit me yet. Like I know I should be studying and yet I'm not in full panic mode enough to get me motivated to start.
Dear Tiff is going thru something weird. hahaha.. she keeps posting things on her blog.. and they're so full of anger - but she doesn't know who it's directed at. She doesn't even think that they're angry words. Just me n Ame. Ahahaha.. so strange this girl. Lunching at Union tomorrowww.. with Tiff n Ame. So fun~!!
Oooohhh... fren from Perth coming to Melb on the 1st of June~!!! Wheeee... but I'm not supposed to tell anyone yet so I can't mention her name. She's coming here to party but I've got exams. HAHA.. no party. She's leaving on the 7th. Trying to convince her to stay till beyond the 10th. Cos Tiff n Ame are going on the 10th.. so yeahh it'll be great. Let's hope Castle stays open till then *cross fingers*
It's supposedly 13 degrees outside... but it feels so much colder on this dark, dreary day. Plus no one's awake yet... The world just seems soo quiet..
But last night was good though.. tee hee..! I think i rather showed everyone that i didn't like renn. Akakka.. so maybe carmen n siok will stop bringing it up. I dunno, maybe I'm just being paranoid.. but maybe renn feels a bit awkward around me cos she thinks i like her. Like.. she wouldn't let me get too close to her all night. But i dun relli mind.. I don't see what the big deal is whether i like her or not. It doesn't change anything. She was REALLY REALLY close to Tiff all night though.. AHahhaha...~!! So yes.. i sure showed them..! *wink*
I reckon I live a double life. I tend to be such a conservative person most of the time.. but every time i go clubbing i go slightly wild. Well, maybe not slightly. Quite a bit. I think who I am went i go clubbing is probably who I'd like to be, but the constraints put on me by society stops me from being so. I mean.. who wants to be called cheap n slutty, righttt? But then again.. things that happen in a club don't ever mean a thing. Like with edmund last night.. Damn funny la... when the lights came on, he smiled n said to me,"Thank you for the dance." HAHAHAHA! That perfectly describes anything that happens in a club. So.. as with william.. as with edmund. But don't blame me for william. he started it this time.. not me. Hmmphhh!
Oh and they didn't play Dying Inside yesterdayyy.. Or they did but I don't remember hearing it.. I'm pretty sure they didn't. AND TIFF'S AWAKE!! YAYYYYYY
Displaying your emotions in public isn't something you're prone to do. At the moment, however, you'll have far more trouble keeping them hidden. Hibernating with someone you trust might not be a bad idea.
Easier said then done.. Everybody seems to be having problems too. So sad.. Ahaha.. here I am, sort of happy.. and I can't gush. Can't tell nobody, nobody at all....~!!
Crashed at Tiff's place on Thursday night. It was a much needed break away from home. Lots of tears (on my part) and lots of smiles on hers. Especially where a certain guy was concerned. Ahaha..
Castle last night was okay.. better than last week. Got my ENVY tag too! Too bad it's says Jen Tiang as opposed to my own name. Muahaha.. ah well.. it doesn't relli matter. It was a funny night. Lots of ups n downs. Tiff's guy concerned.. well, things aren't so rosy anymore. But then again.. things were never rosy and we knew it. Only chose not to see it. Or rather, to deny it. I feel like blaming him. But I know I can't. It's not his fault, and neither is it hers. Basically spent a lot of time last night with someone who has become sort of special to me. So sweet =)
I dunno what to do re:Aun Joe anymore. Kinda settled for anything. I'm not that fussed. And it's not that I don't care. More like, I can't care cos it would kill me. Resigned, is the word i'd use.
I wonder what people would say if I fell for a girl. Ahaha.. it's an interesting notion. Spent last night with 3 other not quite straight girls. It was rather fun, actually. Slept at carmen's n then renn's place (Arrow! like aun joe - not that he cared).
And I dedicate this to that someone. But all the girls love this song, don't we, Tiff? I'm glad they play it at Castle every week! -And I was dying inside to hold you, couldn't believe what I felt for you. Dying inside, I was dying inside but I couldn't bring myself to touch you..
I have bloodshot eyes. I don't know why. Had it for two days liao and it won't go down!! Tiff's is going down oredi.... *sob* *sob*
I wonder why my heart feels like it's breaking. There's no reason to feel this way. I shouldn't let myself feel this way.
And I'm starting to dislike her. Relli relli dislike her. She's causing so much trouble. Don't see what her issue is now. I want.. to strangle her.
But... i give up. I'm tired of fighting for what i want. Gawd.. if i'm supposed to have my way then it'll come. I'm not gonna push for it.
I'm such a weakling. I hate being weak.
See, Gerald? This is what unhappy sounds like. Not the previous post.
edit:// oh and i'm sick. again. i'd really like my voice back. can't live without it. will post abt fri n sat night sometime soon. not now. those were weird nights.
Yay~!! I have MONEY~!!! Temporarily only.. Have to go buy mattress.. buy shelvings.. buy drawers.. buy that THING for my sis.. shitz, by the time i buy all that.. no money money liaooo.. *sob*
I wonder what it's like to not have to worry about money - to spend as u wish without having to think,"shit if i buy this now will i be able to survive thru this month?" okay la.. my financial status is not that extreme la.. i can still go shopping without having to suffer.. but u know what i mean? It would be so lovely to not be so rational when i shop. And it would be so lovely if my parents just gave me a larger sum of money per month so i didn't have to work. COS I QUIT MY JOB ALREADY. And i think i'm gonna suffer if i don't get another job soon. AHHAHAHHAHAH.. psycho shit.
Anyways.. i got the dress that i so so so wanted on ebay. Disappointing sia.. not so nice anymore... it's okay i guess... *sigh* not worth the money. might resell it. I saw the person sell another one of the same dress. the friggin thing went for like almost half the price.. HAHAH.. idiot..
Right.. gotta go shower. supposed to go over to mannchee's place with sis to help make her model. but tiff wants me to go clubbing.. *sigh* the decisions i have to make in life, right? *hics* so blonde.. hehehehehhe Okayz.. off to shower
*hics* i think i made the exact same mistake. Muahahah.. IDIOT!! Ah well..
You might trick me once; I won't let you trick me twice
At least I'm aware.. prepare for the worst. I shouldn't be so naive and trusting. I never thought I was.. I always thought that I was smart enough to know these things cos whenever it happens to my friends, I always say,"You honestly believe that crap?" and yet somehow when it's my turn, I turn into some naive, backboneless shit that doesn't know what's right and what's not. Well this time, I think I'm aware. Let people's words flow over me. I don't have to believe what they tell me. Just take it in and let time take its course. Maybe in time, there'll be reason enough for me to believe. Trust - the basis of every relationship, be it friendships or a love relationship. I wonder whether it's actually possible to have a relationship without trust. Maybe we start out without trust and we gradually learn to put trust in others as we go on? ...... surprisingly i dun mind what happened. It doesn't matter, does it? I wouldn't say that I don't care.. I'm in a sort-of neutral zone, I think.
On an absolutely different note, I'm not feeling too happy. I don't know why and I'm finding it so frustrating. At least if I knew what was wrong I could at least try to do something about it.. but in this case.. i'm stuck with feeling like this.. shitty.. BLEAH! Hmmm... maybe I'm just PMSing. Hah. that would be really great.
Oh and my sis turned 21 on the 6th of may. My sis is fun when she's drunk. She was actually happy.. which is quite a change. She's always so unhappy these days and at times I feel really helpless cos I dunno what to do to make her feel better. But I'm glad she sort of enjoyed Next Blue even though I reckon it was the alcohol. It was a fun night ultimately. Too bad it was only the 5 of us who were really dancing all night non-stop. My sis and Mann Chee(her fren) have slow reactions. Mann Chee's alcohol only affected her after we got home.. n my sis's muscles are only starting to ache now. Ahahha.. mine have been aching since I got home that night. Can't climb down stairs properly. So stiff. Heard Tiff had a great time at Castle that night. Apparently she got really wasted. Too bad I couldn't watch.. hehehhehe.. i so wanted to
Randomly> I feel like dropping out of uni. I feel like quitting my job and staying jobless. In other words, I feel like dropping out of life itself. Life itself is a friggin job. I'm disheartened. I wanna quit my job at life. It's too hard. Someone hit the 'pause' button, if only for a while. All I need is a moment to catch my breath and recover. But I have an assignment due at 2pm today so I have to do it or I'll lose 2.5% of my mark. Somehow that figure seems minute and not very important.. But I know I'll regret it if I don't do it. And I need to start on my report soon too - yeah, the one tat's due this thursday. Ouch.
We have frens in common. Walked home together with him n a bunch of friends. Apparently everything that happened those few months ago was a lie. Just a plan to what? I dunno.. Tell me he doesn't want me in his life. Yes, a rather hurtful way. At least he should be happy it worked very well. He's out of my life too. I dun care what his explanations are; his reasons for doing what he did. It doesn't matter now, does it? It's all in the past. Happened ages ago. I'm still pissed though. Can't understand anything.
Alvin said he missed me today. WTF? Why is it that everytime I stop trying to be nice to him, he comes back like this? I swear he does it on purpose. Anyhow, I was rather nonchalant abt it, so I guess he knows I've moved beyond feeling upset that he never makes efforts at maintaining our friendship. BAH.
Random statement. TIFF & AME! We should have breakfast like Saturday morning again. Heeeeeee....~!!!
So many things have happen in such a short time.. In most cases I find myself incapable of handling the situation to my liking.
Yes, I did enjoy my last 2 times at Castle. HOWEVER there were also consequences to the fun I had. Eg William. The first incident was just a mistake. I'm not that kind of a person, but it happened. I'm not gonna say I regret it, cos I don't. It was just something that happened. Then last Fri, the girls spent all evening shoving me at William.. so finally I started playing along and then the fella starts thinking I'm into him etc etc and freaks out (he even had to speak to tiff abt it). WTH?? ahahah.. me so not into him. no offense to him or anything. but I'm gonna expect we instantly have a relationship just cos i happened to dance with him n stuff one night. Not THAT desperate.. Geez man.. Anyway what's his problem la, rite? Even if i did like him.. that's abt it mar.. Nobody said he had to like me back oso.. Arghhh.. dunno why la.. but I just got so angry. And Tiff oso made a comment that kinda cut right through me.. but I know she didn't mean it that way. She said, "dunno la.. even when we were upstairs, u were like, all over him on the couch" Muahahha... erm. yeah.. minus my pounding, tired head which i rested on his shoulder cos he happened to be beside me.. yeahhh i was all over him. Damn i only i had puked or something. aahhahaha *evil* Tiff, it's okay.. i know u didn't mean it, so i'm not upset or anything.
I just realized that that's the sort of person I am. I like having fun. I like entertaining. The thing is, whenever I find a guy cute or something like that, my friends always make a big fuss over it. So I play along. I mean.. it's just for fun, no harm in it. Nobody said I'm really interested in the guy just cos I find him cute, yeah? My personal love life I take way more serious than that. I don't know these guys very well, that's why it's so easy to play along. And I'm glad my friends enjoy it too. Though I don't think they know I'm only playing. Well.. I guess they do now =D. One can do all sorts of things in a club, cos it doesn't really count. When I'm out and back to reality, I don't quite act the same way or feel the same things. Things are different when you're out having fun.
I'm repeating myself. Rambling.
And I'm quitting my job at Camberwell. Out looking for another. In the meantime.. no money. Not even enuff to buy my sis's present liao. *sigh* me n Tiff got our dresses off e-bay. Both paid more than expected but alas.. we got our dresses, hey Tiff?
This is something I read on Su Ann's blog a while ago.. and I must say, there are times when I really agree with her..
although i am no longer one and have not been for the past 2 months, i love being in love and i love being in a relationship. it's the best feeling in the world, to take care of someone and be taken care of at the same time. it's one of the roles i love most to play, and i look forward to every new relationship for that specific reason.
the joy of knowing you are able to make someone feel secure, the sense of duty that comes with always making sure the other person is happy, the way you feel fiercely protective of him, the way you feel like his kisses and the comfort of his arms are worth every single hardship you went through in that day ... it's .. undescribable.
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I did this lil thing on Friendster a couple of days ago..
Message: This is a game called the "crush test"
Post this if you want to see who is crushing on
you! you never know who may come around...if i
am your crush reply to me saying "i have a crush
on you!" now, who has the guts to actually reply to
this? you may be surprised.
but you better post this again so you can
see who has a crush on YOU!!!!!!!
Was actually doing it to see if the person i had a crush on felt the same way or, i guess, have the guts to tell me if he/she/it did. No response. Hah.
Anyhow.. hahaha hmm.. i was rather surprised by the responses i got though.
Thank you all for being so sweet =) *hugs* I hope you'll find someone who feels as strongly towards you guys/girls. Luv ya always, you know you're always special to me!
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ArgHHhhh.. Bio exam in a week's time.. Haven't started studying yet *tee hee*.. too engrossed in watching my little lovely collection of downloaded shows. Crap.
I wonder what I'm gonna do for the whole of swot vac. no lectures, no tutes, no pracs. No need to go to uni at all. so sien, every day just staying at home. to "study". yeah right. Well at least Bio n Chem revision lectures are tomorrow. It'll give me a reason to go out n do something. And hopefully some studying. Somehow the fact that exams are just around the corner hasn't really hit me yet. Like I know I should be studying and yet I'm not in full panic mode enough to get me motivated to start.
Dear Tiff is going thru something weird. hahaha.. she keeps posting things on her blog.. and they're so full of anger - but she doesn't know who it's directed at. She doesn't even think that they're angry words. Just me n Ame. Ahahaha.. so strange this girl. Lunching at Union tomorrowww.. with Tiff n Ame. So fun~!!
Oooohhh... fren from Perth coming to Melb on the 1st of June~!!! Wheeee... but I'm not supposed to tell anyone yet so I can't mention her name. She's coming here to party but I've got exams. HAHA.. no party. She's leaving on the 7th. Trying to convince her to stay till beyond the 10th. Cos Tiff n Ame are going on the 10th.. so yeahh it'll be great. Let's hope Castle stays open till then *cross fingers*
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It's supposedly 13 degrees outside... but it feels so much colder on this dark, dreary day. Plus no one's awake yet... The world just seems soo quiet..
But last night was good though.. tee hee..! I think i rather showed everyone that i didn't like renn. Akakka.. so maybe carmen n siok will stop bringing it up. I dunno, maybe I'm just being paranoid.. but maybe renn feels a bit awkward around me cos she thinks i like her. Like.. she wouldn't let me get too close to her all night. But i dun relli mind.. I don't see what the big deal is whether i like her or not. It doesn't change anything. She was REALLY REALLY close to Tiff all night though.. AHahhaha...~!!
So yes.. i sure showed them..! *wink*
I reckon I live a double life. I tend to be such a conservative person most of the time.. but every time i go clubbing i go slightly wild. Well, maybe not slightly. Quite a bit. I think who I am went i go clubbing is probably who I'd like to be, but the constraints put on me by society stops me from being so. I mean.. who wants to be called cheap n slutty, righttt? But then again.. things that happen in a club don't ever mean a thing. Like with edmund last night.. Damn funny la... when the lights came on, he smiled n said to me,"Thank you for the dance." HAHAHAHA! That perfectly describes anything that happens in a club. So.. as with william.. as with edmund. But don't blame me for william. he started it this time.. not me. Hmmphhh!
Oh and they didn't play Dying Inside yesterdayyy.. Or they did but I don't remember hearing it.. I'm pretty sure they didn't. AND TIFF'S AWAKE!! YAYYYYYY
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Displaying your emotions in public isn't something you're prone to do. At the moment, however, you'll have far more trouble keeping them hidden. Hibernating with someone you trust might not be a bad idea.
Easier said then done.. Everybody seems to be having problems too. So sad.. Ahaha.. here I am, sort of happy.. and I can't gush. Can't tell nobody, nobody at all....~!!
And that f**ker's not answering me. Eesh.
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I think I'm way in too deep.
Crashed at Tiff's place on Thursday night. It was a much needed break away from home. Lots of tears (on my part) and lots of smiles on hers. Especially where a certain guy was concerned. Ahaha..
Castle last night was okay.. better than last week. Got my ENVY tag too! Too bad it's says Jen Tiang as opposed to my own name. Muahaha.. ah well.. it doesn't relli matter. It was a funny night. Lots of ups n downs. Tiff's guy concerned.. well, things aren't so rosy anymore. But then again.. things were never rosy and we knew it. Only chose not to see it. Or rather, to deny it. I feel like blaming him. But I know I can't. It's not his fault, and neither is it hers. Basically spent a lot of time last night with someone who has become sort of special to me. So sweet =)
I dunno what to do re:Aun Joe anymore. Kinda settled for anything. I'm not that fussed. And it's not that I don't care. More like, I can't care cos it would kill me. Resigned, is the word i'd use.
I wonder what people would say if I fell for a girl. Ahaha.. it's an interesting notion. Spent last night with 3 other not quite straight girls. It was rather fun, actually. Slept at carmen's n then renn's place (Arrow! like aun joe - not that he cared).
And I dedicate this to that someone. But all the girls love this song, don't we, Tiff? I'm glad they play it at Castle every week!
-And I was dying inside to hold you, couldn't believe what I felt for you.
Dying inside, I was dying inside but I couldn't bring myself to touch you..
I have bloodshot eyes. I don't know why. Had it for two days liao and it won't go down!! Tiff's is going down oredi.... *sob* *sob*
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I wonder why my heart feels like it's breaking. There's no reason to feel this way. I shouldn't let myself feel this way.
And I'm starting to dislike her. Relli relli dislike her. She's causing so much trouble. Don't see what her issue is now. I want.. to strangle her.
But... i give up. I'm tired of fighting for what i want. Gawd.. if i'm supposed to have my way then it'll come. I'm not gonna push for it.
I'm such a weakling. I hate being weak.
See, Gerald? This is what unhappy sounds like. Not the previous post.
edit:// oh and i'm sick. again. i'd really like my voice back. can't live without it. will post abt fri n sat night sometime soon. not now. those were weird nights.
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Yay~!! I have MONEY~!!! Temporarily only.. Have to go buy mattress.. buy shelvings.. buy drawers.. buy that THING for my sis.. shitz, by the time i buy all that.. no money money liaooo.. *sob*
I wonder what it's like to not have to worry about money - to spend as u wish without having to think,"shit if i buy this now will i be able to survive thru this month?" okay la.. my financial status is not that extreme la.. i can still go shopping without having to suffer.. but u know what i mean? It would be so lovely to not be so rational when i shop. And it would be so lovely if my parents just gave me a larger sum of money per month so i didn't have to work. COS I QUIT MY JOB ALREADY. And i think i'm gonna suffer if i don't get another job soon. AHHAHAHHAHAH.. psycho shit.
Anyways.. i got the dress that i so so so wanted on ebay. Disappointing sia.. not so nice anymore... it's okay i guess... *sigh* not worth the money. might resell it. I saw the person sell another one of the same dress. the friggin thing went for like almost half the price.. HAHAH.. idiot..
Right.. gotta go shower. supposed to go over to mannchee's place with sis to help make her model. but tiff wants me to go clubbing.. *sigh* the decisions i have to make in life, right? *hics* so blonde.. hehehehehhe Okayz.. off to shower
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*hics* i think i made the exact same mistake. Muahahah.. IDIOT!! Ah well..
You might trick me once; I won't let you trick me twice
At least I'm aware.. prepare for the worst. I shouldn't be so naive and trusting. I never thought I was.. I always thought that I was smart enough to know these things cos whenever it happens to my friends, I always say,"You honestly believe that crap?" and yet somehow when it's my turn, I turn into some naive, backboneless shit that doesn't know what's right and what's not. Well this time, I think I'm aware. Let people's words flow over me. I don't have to believe what they tell me. Just take it in and let time take its course. Maybe in time, there'll be reason enough for me to believe. Trust - the basis of every relationship, be it friendships or a love relationship. I wonder whether it's actually possible to have a relationship without trust. Maybe we start out without trust and we gradually learn to put trust in others as we go on? ...... surprisingly i dun mind what happened. It doesn't matter, does it? I wouldn't say that I don't care.. I'm in a sort-of neutral zone, I think.
On an absolutely different note, I'm not feeling too happy. I don't know why and I'm finding it so frustrating. At least if I knew what was wrong I could at least try to do something about it.. but in this case.. i'm stuck with feeling like this.. shitty.. BLEAH! Hmmm... maybe I'm just PMSing. Hah. that would be really great.
Oh and my sis turned 21 on the 6th of may. My sis is fun when she's drunk. She was actually happy.. which is quite a change. She's always so unhappy these days and at times I feel really helpless cos I dunno what to do to make her feel better. But I'm glad she sort of enjoyed Next Blue even though I reckon it was the alcohol. It was a fun night ultimately. Too bad it was only the 5 of us who were really dancing all night non-stop. My sis and Mann Chee(her fren) have slow reactions. Mann Chee's alcohol only affected her after we got home.. n my sis's muscles are only starting to ache now. Ahahha.. mine have been aching since I got home that night. Can't climb down stairs properly. So stiff. Heard Tiff had a great time at Castle that night. Apparently she got really wasted. Too bad I couldn't watch.. hehehhehe.. i so wanted to
Randomly> I feel like dropping out of uni. I feel like quitting my job and staying jobless. In other words, I feel like dropping out of life itself. Life itself is a friggin job. I'm disheartened. I wanna quit my job at life. It's too hard. Someone hit the 'pause' button, if only for a while. All I need is a moment to catch my breath and recover. But I have an assignment due at 2pm today so I have to do it or I'll lose 2.5% of my mark. Somehow that figure seems minute and not very important.. But I know I'll regret it if I don't do it. And I need to start on my report soon too - yeah, the one tat's due this thursday. Ouch.
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Did I mention I bumped into Aun Joe at Castle?
We have frens in common. Walked home together with him n a bunch of friends. Apparently everything that happened those few months ago was a lie. Just a plan to what? I dunno.. Tell me he doesn't want me in his life. Yes, a rather hurtful way. At least he should be happy it worked very well. He's out of my life too. I dun care what his explanations are; his reasons for doing what he did. It doesn't matter now, does it? It's all in the past. Happened ages ago. I'm still pissed though. Can't understand anything.
Alvin said he missed me today. WTF? Why is it that everytime I stop trying to be nice to him, he comes back like this? I swear he does it on purpose. Anyhow, I was rather nonchalant abt it, so I guess he knows I've moved beyond feeling upset that he never makes efforts at maintaining our friendship. BAH.
Random statement. TIFF & AME! We should have breakfast like Saturday morning again. Heeeeeee....~!!!
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So many things have happen in such a short time.. In most cases I find myself incapable of handling the situation to my liking.
Yes, I did enjoy my last 2 times at Castle. HOWEVER there were also consequences to the fun I had. Eg William. The first incident was just a mistake. I'm not that kind of a person, but it happened. I'm not gonna say I regret it, cos I don't. It was just something that happened. Then last Fri, the girls spent all evening shoving me at William.. so finally I started playing along and then the fella starts thinking I'm into him etc etc and freaks out (he even had to speak to tiff abt it). WTH?? ahahah.. me so not into him. no offense to him or anything. but I'm gonna expect we instantly have a relationship just cos i happened to dance with him n stuff one night. Not THAT desperate.. Geez man.. Anyway what's his problem la, rite? Even if i did like him.. that's abt it mar.. Nobody said he had to like me back oso.. Arghhh.. dunno why la.. but I just got so angry. And Tiff oso made a comment that kinda cut right through me.. but I know she didn't mean it that way. She said, "dunno la.. even when we were upstairs, u were like, all over him on the couch" Muahahha... erm. yeah.. minus my pounding, tired head which i rested on his shoulder cos he happened to be beside me.. yeahhh i was all over him. Damn i only i had puked or something. aahhahaha *evil* Tiff, it's okay.. i know u didn't mean it, so i'm not upset or anything.
I just realized that that's the sort of person I am. I like having fun. I like entertaining. The thing is, whenever I find a guy cute or something like that, my friends always make a big fuss over it. So I play along. I mean.. it's just for fun, no harm in it. Nobody said I'm really interested in the guy just cos I find him cute, yeah? My personal love life I take way more serious than that. I don't know these guys very well, that's why it's so easy to play along. And I'm glad my friends enjoy it too. Though I don't think they know I'm only playing. Well.. I guess they do now =D. One can do all sorts of things in a club, cos it doesn't really count. When I'm out and back to reality, I don't quite act the same way or feel the same things. Things are different when you're out having fun.
I'm repeating myself. Rambling.
And I'm quitting my job at Camberwell. Out looking for another. In the meantime.. no money. Not even enuff to buy my sis's present liao. *sigh* me n Tiff got our dresses off e-bay. Both paid more than expected but alas.. we got our dresses, hey Tiff?
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This is something I read on Su Ann's blog a while ago.. and I must say, there are times when I really agree with her..
although i am no longer one and have not been for the past 2 months, i love being in love and i love being in a relationship. it's the best feeling in the world, to take care of someone and be taken care of at the same time. it's one of the roles i love most to play, and i look forward to every new relationship for that specific reason.
the joy of knowing you are able to make someone feel secure, the sense of duty that comes with always making sure the other person is happy, the way you feel fiercely protective of him, the way you feel like his kisses and the comfort of his arms are worth every single hardship you went through in that day ... it's .. undescribable.
Kaoz..
Jennifer left this place at 2:17 PM | 0 comments
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